SusanRoAne/The Mingling Maven

A New Name for Networking

I repeatedly hear from people that they can't stand business networking, that it feels like they are using people, that it's a circus of selling and it's just plain uncomfortable.  I wrote The Secrets of SAVVY Networking and my ebook: Networking-Beyond The Buzzword so there would be a guideline or, as the late, great Coach Bill Walsh described my book, a "gameplan". As for being uncomfortable, being prepared and adopting the attitude of "this is an opportunity", helps quell the discomfort. But I agree with "circus of selling" statement because it's been so obvious in too many cases.
That being said, we must still show up at events, conferences, meetings, fundraisers with the intention to meet, mingle and build business (and personal)  relationships. Face to Face events offer possibilities that would not otherwise happen.

IF the term networking makes you queasy and you think it's sleazy, here's a solution: give it another name. Call it "going to a gathering" or "hanging out". Say "yes" to invitations but don't think of them as the "networking night" with so many goals that you can't get conversations started.  Do what people did in the "OLD" days: go to a reception to catch up with long time colleagues and welcome new attendees over a beverage.  Make your goal having a good time. And you will!  When you are conversing, sharing and laughing with others, you are establishing a connection and foundation that will build your network.  You never know who you'll meet so be sure to bring your cards!

LIfe Is a Six Degrees of Separation Party

    For those who say "yes" to events and opportunities, talk to strangers and are willing to "drop names" (do you know who I know?), everyday day is a "six degree" day.  Whether it's a business networking opportunity, a community fundraiser or holiday party, finding a PIC (Person in Common) changes the conversation, starts the connection and builds relationships and business.  Whether we call it coincidence, kismet or fate, we must make the effort to find the connection and allow for serendipity.
   Several years ago, after giving a kickoff keynote for a convention, I decided to walk the exhibition hall.(Which pleased my clients).  After all, one of the chapters in How To Work a Room® is

How To Work a Trade Show  At the Accenture booth, I began chatting with one of the people staffing the booth and mentioned that my cousin worked for Accenture. The woman looked at me rather oddly and said, as if knowing my cousin were impossible, "So do thousands of people." She thought that would end the conversation. But that's not my style nor my recommendation to my audiences or readers.  I looked at her and mentioned my cousin, Kayla Cohen. The look on her face was unforgettable. "As a matter of fact I do know Kayla." They had worked together on a project when Kayla was in the downtown Chicago office. Take the longshot. You never know!

  And the conversation changed. She became more comfortable, more open and more friendly.   We had now had a PIC, person in common and a real connection. After all, I was no longer just the convention business speaker, I was now Kayla's cousin; a title of which I'm very proud.

 

"Pay Attention" is the Party Line

    People who listen well are so memorable because they make us feel special when we are face-to-face. These smart and savvy communicators do not allow themselves to be distracted by phones, buzzing text messages or Blackberrys.

  They don't walk into a party, a meeting or a memorial wearing a Bluetooth. They are "in the moment" not waiting for someone, anyone--- to call, text, IM or twitter in the next moment. And we love them for that.

   Those great listeners do what legions of teachers and parents have exclaimed for generations, "PAY ATTENTION." How flattering! They not only listen with their ears; they also listen with their faces.  Their eyes don't "roam a room" while talking to us and their expressions are visible, appropriate and engaging.  The personal touch they bring to any conversation makes a great impression.

  We can do the same. If we don't, we can become imminently memorable...for the wrong reasons.

So, You Want to Write a Book

After 21 years as a best-selling author with major New York Houses, 4 non ficition books, one e-book, and one audiobook, I've learned a thing or ninety nine about writing a book and being an author. Lucky for me, my editors, former editors, agents, book marketing mavens, Publishers Weekly and book publicists keep me up to date.
It's  been my honor and pleasure to guest lecture at NYU's Summer Publishing Institute for the last nine years as the only author teaching a curriculum segment.
On my last trip to NYC I learned even more about the new direction of book publishing to add to my knowledge base that I share through Writefully So

Some thoughts:
*Content is not king; technology is.  That being said, the content of a book has to be well-presented, well-written and well-organized and immensely readable.
*Books have to be deliverable in multiple platforms: hard copy, CD/MP3, downloadable on Itunes/Kindles/Nooks, PDAs, ebooks.
*Venues for publicity/Pr are disappearing so the there is less real estate for a book to inhabit.
* "Platform" has changed. Someone with numerous followers, linkedin pals, facebook friends, a database of 10,000 still may not make the cut.
* Publishers are risk-adverse. (This is an understatement) Instead of growing an author as the brilliant Joann Davis did for me....they want the celeb with built -in renown. And they'll hire the ghostwriter/book doctor for the "so-called" author.

Why is How To Work a Room® still on bookshelves after 21 years? 

1). It meets a need that people think they have, not what I think people need.
2). I've worked daily for 22 years to make that book "sing".
3)  I can teach you how to do the same!

Holiday Party Repartee

Are  business holiday parties different from businessnetworking events and social parties? That's a question I'm often asked at this time of the year. The answer is a definitive "yes" and "no".  Basic to all are good manners, mingling skills, social graces, the abilities to get in and out of conversations gracefully and to engage with a variety of people.  Being prepared is important to all although the preparation may vary depending on the eevent.  Is it a Christmas or Hanukkah party given by a neighbor?   A client's holiday party?  A friend's 30th birthday or 25th anniversary? Or the potluck open house on New Year's Day? 

1. Know what's going on in the community, the nation, the world.  Read a paper or two. Collect items of interest that are "chatworthy".

2. Prepare your own self introduction...Key it to the event to give others context for your attendance

3.To learn about host, boss,client, neighbor...do some  googling.

4. Check out your friend's Facebook page to learn about their friends. That way you'll know something about the people who will be in attendance and that helps move the conversation along.

For more ideas, check out www.susanroane.com .

No Company Party? Plan One

   Whether or not you are uncomfortable at these yearly soirees that can be an opportunity for holiday business networking, or have "seasonal shyness", there's one important thing to remember.You're not alone.  Over 90 % of Adults self identify as shy in varying situations.
   Although these are stressed economic times, people still want to get together to celebrate or commiserate. We need to be mindful that many are watching their nickels and dimes and that includes many corporations and organizations.
  One of my global clients said that when revenues at his firm were down, the Christmas/Holiday party was put on hold.  People felt bad about the cancellation as they wanted to come together in a social setting to mingle, schmooze and laugh. Spirits were dampened. So he organized a semi-potluck party at a local venue with a very nominal per person charge for his team.  It wasn't fancy but it was fun.  It buoyed their spirits and his people thanked him!  IF you organize a get-together people will thank you, too.

  Some Helpful Hints:

   Find a nominal local venue. Many community centers rent their facilities. Your local chamber is a good source.
   Check out the local pizza/burger/deli/take- out restaurant. Mather High School in Chicago had a 50th anniversary (not my 50th reunion)! and the fare was catered comfort food (pizza, sliders and hot dogs). BTW, the food was a great ice-breaker.
   Beverages can be BYOB or have a no-host bar.
   Appetizers, desserts and other favorite dishes make for prime potluck fare.
   Music can be provided by a local DJ or IPOD audio or a Pandora station of your selection.
 
   As for the entertainment, it's the conversations, the stories, the laughter and the camaraderie. The attendees are the "headliners". After all, it is a season of sharing.

Think Inside the Box (of Popcorn)

    Today was the umpteenth time a movie was impacted by the noisy crinkling of popcorn bags.I can't be the only person who has noticed this.  Of course, it always happens in the most intense scene where the dialogue is crucial to the plot. I don't blame theater goers. After all, popcorn is traditional movie fare. I blame theater and concession owners.
    I get that the money to be made is from the food and drink sold. The solution is easy: go retro and provide popcorn boxes of various sizes just like in the old days.  Boxes don't make crinkling noises. Now, wasn't that easy?
    The next time you go to the movie, forego the "bag" and ask for a box even if you are getting the tiny order of popcorn. If you get a funny look, just be pleasant, smile and offer them a quarter for the box. 
    To be considerate of other movie goers in the shared space, all we have to do is "think inside the box" ...of popcorn.

Please Talk to My Guests!

    It's always a good idea to brush up on skills and experiences before needed. With the holiday season just around the corner, it was a good thing that I attended a luncheon with 22 women I didn't know. I only knew the host.  And I hosted a soiree for How To Work a Room's 21st Birthday. Being a good host means being prepared.   Here are some thoughts that have been on my mind.

HOSTS:

BEFORE the guests arrive, the table is set for a sit-down. For the buffet noshing, the food is on the table.  One friend invited me to several holiday dinners where the table wasn't set and the cooking was not started till guests began to arrive. Waiting three hours for a meal felt like a starvation diet in the making.
Be sure the house/apartment is dusted and cleaned.  Sounds like a no brainer but...we all have stories.
The powder room doesn't need powder but it does need to be cleaned, have proper guest towels or towelettes, etc.

Plan your menu around guests. I had two gluetin allergics, one pregnant guest, one with GERD/acid reflux (she went no where near the salsa), one vegetarian and a number of non Champagne drinkers. So there were cut up, very colorful veggies to go with the dip -although I thought the ruffled chips were a better match. One additional thought: have more than just the right amount of food. It's better to have a little leftover.
Greet guests warmly. This is the place you can shine by making a guest feel so important.
Introduce guests to each other  with the Kernels of common interests; spoken with great enthusiasm and respect.  Two guests had been teachers in the school district at the same time, two guests were breast cancer survivors who had modeled at the fundraiser in different years and two guests were realtors in different counties.

Serve the meal within within one hour of the appointed time.

Talk with as many guests as possible while keeping an eye out for empty glasses, bowls and platters that need refilling. Share stories of how you met each with others and add in some of their recent news/accomplishments.

THANK them for coming to your bash. After all, they made the time to attend.

GUESTS: 

RSVP.  Period. End of story.
If something comes up that day and you can't make it, let the host know.
Show up on time.
   For an open house type of soiree, arrive no later than 90 minutes of the time set. Stay at least an hour unless there are extenuating circumstances. For a meal event, no more than 15 minutes beyond the appointed hour.
Talk to every one. This I mean from the bottom of my heart.  Even if you know a group of people from one place, don't just talk to them. Talk to all the other guests... please! Remember: The host invited you to do more than talk to the people you know...talk to the ones you don't know but who are also dear to the host. My friend, Diane, is a joy to watch. She talks to everyone at a party and makes them feel comfortable, engaged and interesting. What a gift!
Say goodbye to the guests with whom you may have had a great conversation.
Thank the host.

 This next bit of advice comes from my mother: Clear your plate/glass. In fact, help clear the glasses, cups, plates, Giving myself a job helps me meet other guests more easily and I'm helping the host. That's what gracious guests do.

 Super important:  Good guests send notes of appreciation to their hosts. For some that may be a call or an email. I prefer to write notes. That's the "personal touch" we are trying to reclaim. They are memorable, can be saved and reread. If the host spent the time, energy, and money, surely we guests can take the seven minutes to acknowledge that effort.

And your gracious guest/host tips?

A Milestone Birthday for Mingling

How many books can boast (if they could) about 21 years in bookstores? Certainly not many of the estimated 130,000 published a year. How To Work a Room® is officially 21 years old and we are having a month- long celebration to honor this milestone.  There was a debut party 21 years ago and a 10th Birthday party with friends, food and matching embossed napkins.  At 13, How To Work a Room® had a "book mitzvah" complete with cantor, candlelighting ceremony and "relatives" from around the country. And it was fun!

Now in its third version, as a gift, I bought my book its own url and created a webpage of the 21 Timeless Tips for fans, friends and family and clients to enjoy and share with others. Will the siblings be jealous?  I don't know. What I do know is that  milestones of all stripes should be celebrated (as long as I don't have to cook or bake).

Many thanks to the book's Godmother:Judith Briles, discoverer: Annie Cohen, Joann Davis -its brilliant editor and now author; and its successive editors: Zach Schisgal, Edwin Tan, Knox Huston, Matthew Benjamin, Anne Cole and back to Matthew and Laura Friedman who featured it at Book of the Month Club and Mark Chimsky-Lustig who acquired it for the Quality Paperback Bookclub and the gang at Audio Renaissance, now MacMillan Audio.  Many, many thanks to the sales reps and bookstore personnel around the country for keeping it stocked and hand-selling it.

Sincere appreciation to the book buyers who continue to find value in my book and made How To Work a Room® a best-seller!

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!

Do Something--- Different.

   I'm often asked how a conversation can be maintained after a lull. Sometimes the lull indicates that the interchange has reached its peak and it's time to graciously exit. Other times, a lull is just a pause to find another area of mutual interest. When we are informed, prepared (read a paper) and have a quiver of stories and anecdotes, topics will emerge. They come from the small talk that begins the exchange and develops there from segues, tangents and subject changes.
  These days more people are saying, "Before I forget"....because so many of us do forget and that adds a new dimension for discussion. One very gracious friend will say, "Excuse me for changing the subject but I (saw a sale, read an article, heard about a new restaurant, bumped into our colleague...) and didn't want to forget to tell you." She does this naturally and it's a polite, efficient, easy way to build interesting conversation.
  In my presentations, people also wonder what to do with boring conversationalists. The easy answer is to bale.  BUT, I recommend that we give people a second chance. When we hit upon a topic of their interest, they are energized and the conversation becomes lively.
   And what about our part in the equation?
  Some food for thought:  
 *Are we energizing listeners? (Listening with our eyes, faces, body language)
 *Have we stories of interesting experiences that we've practiced telling?
 *Are we engaging, informed, interesting?  
And my fourth morsel:
 *Have we tried something new and different to bring to the table? Whether it's a first flight on Virgin America, a new sport attempted or attended, a recipe (just read on Facebook that my cousin made cornmeal- crusted pizza for the first time), an interesting session at a convention or Speakers Series. If the answer is no, try something new and different. Whether it's a wonderful experience or not, it gives us a morsel to bring to the banquet of conversation.